Mr. Terry's Chocolate Orange Cake Disaster

Ugh.



Ugh always needs an answer. "How are you?" "Ugh." "Aw, what's wrong?"
Meh doesn't get this kind of treatment. "How are you?" "Meh." "I hear that!"

Well today I am feeling ugh, and I'm not going to answer for it.

What I do have to discuss, however, is a certain little cake I mentioned in my last post, Mr. Terry's chocolate orange cake. There he is, up at the top. I mentioned that I was going to bake the cake for the food bank volunteer party, which I did. Things went smoothly with the cake, though I baked it a little too long. But, then came the icing. I melted some chocolate, and in an effort to make it smoother I added cream. Maybe you were already aware of this, but cream does NOT make melted chocolate smoother or creamier. Instead, it makes the melted chocolate coagulate. Not that that's bad, but it was just a bit of a surprise.

Well, I didn't have any extra chocolate so this would have to do. It didn't taste bad, it just wasn't the most attractive thing I've ever seen on top of a cake. Then again, I'm not about fussy, pretty cakes. So I slapped the chocolate on top and spread it around.

A little homely looking, but what's wrong with that? Nothing, I say.

So I walked my little cake over to the food bank (which in the rain, is not the easiest thing to do), with the wind smothering my face with delicious gusts of chocolate scent.

I arrived with Mr. Terry safe in my arms and placed him on the counter. Now, I have tried to keep this blog here a peaceful zone. It's to revel in food and the good times. No negativity, please. But to explain this story I have to tell you that the man involved, well, there's only one word to describe his type. He's a bit of a jackass.
 He walked over to my cake, leaned over it, and said, "I wasn't going to say anything, but...."
What does this mean, I wondered? I didn't say anything to prompt this, so what exactly happened that led him to say what he had intended to keep unsaid. Nothing. Nothing at all. Because jackasses don't need instigation to share their mean little remarks. Unlike the rest of us, they enjoy spewing their nastiness upon the innocents.
Of course,  I came to Mr. Terry's defence. "Oh yes, the chocolate did not turn out how I intended it to. I meant for it to be smoother..."
"I wasn't going to say anything.." (again! with a little smirk across his lips) "I'm sure it tastes good," he said with skepticism.
"I hope so," I said. "We'll see."
This is when he offered some advice (or maybe sabotage?!) that in hindsight, I have no idea why I listened to.
"You should heat a spoon over an open flame, until it's scalding hot, and then smooth the chocolate with it."
Silly me, I took that scalding spoon and rubbed it slowly all over my cake. The result? Seriously burned chocolate, and an ever uglier cake (if it was ugly to begin with... I prefer to call it rustic). Another volunteer walked in and said, "something's burning." She was on the other side of the room. Yes, it was that bad.
To top it off, the coordinators gave out awards to each volunteer. I won "Best Baker" award, because I made the dessert for the Christmas party. Well, another volunteer made amazing cupcakes for the party on Thursday. People were raving about them. At the end of the night, as the cupcake baker and I were chatting about our awards (she was asking me about how I won "Best Baker"), the people leaving were walking past us and telling her how amazing her cupcakes were.
Embarrassing? Very much so.